A Beautiful Composition of Broken Read online

  before i knew it

  my hands were on her thigh

  her skirt beginning to rise

  with no desire to rush

  i inched my fingers

  a bit closer to her flower

  as i preferred the act

  to unfold organically

  i then touched her in a way

  that caused a weakness

  within her spine

  ever so apparent by the way

  she lay down on my mattress

  like rain, falling from a cloud

  “it’s been a while,” she whispered

  as i proceeded to take her

  January 10th.

  this craving to explore

  the unfamiliar places within you

  has overtaken my mind

  i’d like to get lost in you

  i’d like the opportunity

  to make you feel things

  you’ve never felt for anyone else

  9:29:13 a.m.

  i woke up with the taste of her

  still lingering on my tongue

  erotic visuals burned into my mind

  her skin slightly wet

  from the activity we engaged in

  “it’s yours,” she whispered

  muffled moans became screams

  as i explored the deepest parts

  of her existence

  9:29:38 p.m.

  i’m addicted to this idea

  of your legs wrapped around

  my waist

  holding me in place

  as if to say

  you’ll never let me go

  wet walls.

  can we pause for a second

  and thank the heavens for angels

  with strong wings

  and soft skin

  inner thighs like pillows

  legs that bow like oval shapes

  wrapped around my face

  like blindfolds made of silk

  i stopped wishing for moments like this the very moment you allowed me

  to live it

  completely, explicitly

  your openness as wide as your spread eagle

  your wet walls

  like the insides of our mouths

  warm and waiting

  i’ve been anticipating you just as much

  as you’ve been wanting me

  6:16 p.m.

  utilizing my tongue

  as a stress reliever

  pressing pressure points

  creating a climax

  provoking pleasure

  with ease

  opening you right up

  because my tongue

  is the key

  guide me.

  i’d like to get lost in you

  mind, body, and soul

  travel the avenues that lead me

  to a greater understanding of you

  show me your fears, the horror

  the pain, the struggle

  reveal your thoughts

  as you overthink

  show me the flaws

  you try your hardest to hide

  the sadness that sits beneath your smile

  i’d like to know the real you

  the you that you’re afraid

  to show the world

  the girl behind the shade

  of a fake smile

  i want to see the things

  that you think will chase me away

  i’d like to understand

  and later learn to love you

  for who you truly are

  profess, encourage.

  teach the many possibilities

  to a child

  never make a child feel like

  their dreams are impossible

  to achieve

  a healing.

  when i open the book

  i turn off the pain

  the reader.

  the girls who love books

  have the sweetest love to give

  a rare find, love.

  give me something

  that can’t easily be found

  help me rediscover

  new reasons to smile

  the carving of.

  you’ve written your initials

  on my soul

  your love, carved into me

  let us begin, love.

  i want you wildly

  and recklessly

  i want you here

  right next to me

  i want the adventure

  in your heart

  so take my hand

  and we can start

  wanting, afraid.

  you are everything i want

  you are everything i’m afraid of

  this craving for love

  met with the fear of getting hurt

  but i’ll risk it all

  for a moment on your mind

  and a place in your heart

  7:22:22 p.m.

  i see love in those brown eyes

  i see warmth in your embrace

  i feel a forever whenever i’m with you

  memory museum.

  i relive all of the moments

  we’ve shared

  and all of the memories we’ve created

  every time my lips touch yours

  the broken meet the broken.

  a love between two broken people

  can feel whole and complete

  maybe we’re puzzles

  and you were holding the piece

  i needed the entire time

  i just had to find you first

  scary in the beginning

  as your pain matched my own

  both hurt and burned by love

  we met one another

  we held one another

  then fell for one another

  both of our scars visible

  and yet the vision of us together

  still remained beautiful

  feeling, hiding.

  you ever get so sad

  that you laugh

  you ever feel so hurt

  that you smile

  we’re so good at hiding

  behind what we wish to feel

  we’re so good at pretending

  to feel nothing

  when we feel everything

  behind hate, behind pain.

  i finally realized

  that love hides itself

  behind the people who hurt us

  meaning,

  you have to look beyond the pain

  to find the love you deserve

  it’s always there

  you just have to stop letting

  certain people distract you from it

  no shame on the broken.

  broken people need to understand

  that being hurt is nothing to be ashamed of

  and just because you’re broken

  doesn’t mean you’ll never find a pure love

  aware, mindful.

  depression has eaten its way

  to my heart

  there’s a sadness that lingers there

  my mind overrun by painful thoughts

  sometimes i hate being this aware

  harsh lessons.

  the one person

  who was supposed to help me

  fix this shit

  was the first person

  to leave when i needed them the most

  this was one of the harshest lessons

  i’d ever learn

  sometimes the only person

  you need is yourself

  the mental freedom.

 
thinking about you

  sucked me further

  into darkness

  and as hard as it’s been

  i’ve been working harder

  to free my mind of you

  the slow burning of regret.

  i hope the memory of me

  burns through your mind

  and in times of desperation

  i hope you reach for me

  then realize that i can no longer

  be found

  you’ll feel what i felt

  you’ll sit with your face

  in your hands

  and your heart on the floor

  because you lost the greatest thing

  to ever happen to you

  me . . .

  silent night.

  sometimes you just need

  to be alone with yourself

  and the silence of solitude

  in order to figure everything out

  a stillness.

  be still and conquer

  again, all over.

  if i could do it all again

  i would’ve loved me more

  instead of waiting on you

  all of me.

  my personality is a secret

  and i can only share it with you

  once you’ve earned my trust

  small and great.

  so much power

  in one little woman

  the anti.

  no tolerance for drama

  no room for fake individuals

  i keep to myself

  because i prefer peace

  books, therapeutic.

  she sat in the corner

  with her face in a book

  hiding from anxiety

  trying not to panic

  connect to.

  while others were searching

  for wi-fi

  i was searching

  for a soul connection

  she, in wonderland.

  where do you go

  when you daydream

  wherever it is

  i imagine

  that you’re happy there

  smiling into the distance

  beautiful while getting lost

  steel curtain.

  protect your energy

  understand that not everyone

  who wants you

  deserves you

  protect your peace of mind

  understand that most people

  don’t even deserve to be a thought

  introvert I.

  i am more myself

  when i am alone

  empty, emptier.

  empty people

  filling themselves

  with people

  who fill them up

  with more emptiness

  more sadness

  more pain

  it lives there.

  silence is a home

  and it houses everything

  i’ll never say

  introvert II.

  sometimes i don’t want to be

  around too many people

  sometimes i just don’t feel like talking

  sometimes i dread

  human interaction

  and i’m not ashamed of that

  sometimes, the silence.

  silence for those

  who either aren’t ready

  to listen

  or don’t deserve

  to hear your thoughts

  oh, shy soul.

  the most intriguing soul

  belongs to the shy human

  introvert III.

  in silence

  i listen

  i observe

  i see all

  i know all

  i understand

  and can’t be fooled

  the trying.

  watching all the people

  trying to fit happiness

  into shopping bags

  noses buried in liquor

  trying to forget

  drowning out the pain

  with loud music

  trying their hardest

  to be content with being hurt

  from heartache.

  let pain inspire

  your power

  let heartache

  inspire your heart

  to grow stronger

  introvert IV.

  i am rarely alone

  when by myself

  i am more alone

  with others

  staying in tonight.

  say “no” more often

  tell them you’re just not interested

  no more doing things

  that you have no desire to do

  for the sake of other people’s feelings

  the introversion.

  people are draining

  i find fullness in being alone

  outgoing, introvert.

  she, a chameleon

  capable of fitting in

  but made to stand out

  an outgoing introvert

  if something like that could exist

  but even in a sea of people

  she still felt alone

  don’t talk to me.

  a phone or a book

  some headphones might do

  all of these things

  which prevent me

  from having to talk to people

  all of these things

  to help me appear

  uninterested

  spring.

  break me open

  and roses will grow

  between the cracks

  k–12.

  i’m tired

  of being tired

  of being around

  people

  start here, with self.

  real love arrives

  when we’re ready

  real love arrives

  when we love ourselves

  hell in mind.

  we carry around hell

  in the form of memories

  moments shared with people

  who no longer mean anything

  to our lives

  more substance, more life.

  i’d go out and party

  then come home to the moon

  an empty home

  and cold bed

  this was no way to live

  i needed more

  one-sided vow.

  being married

  doesn’t save a marriage

  loving someone

  doesn’t make them

  your soul mate

  trying harder

  doesn’t mean

  they’ll try just as much

  going to therapy

  won’t help a person

  who doesn’t think

  they need to change

  your denial

  is your own

  personal prison

  all talk without action.

  he’d say anything

  to make her stay

  but never did enough

  to keep her from leaving

  jealousy, all-consuming.

  you see

  they want you

  to do well

  just not better than them

  the support begins to fade

  the more successful you become

  heart filled with envy

  jealousy consumes their souls

  fake family and friends

  and you’ll have to let them go

  never anything more.

  you were never

  what i needed
/>   you never became

  the person

  you promised to be

  no end.

  a happy ending is not enough

  i deserve

  i require

  i demand a happiness

  that doesn’t have to end

  reality says.

  we do too much

  for those who don’t do enough

  we give our all

  to those

  who do nothing

  we’re searching for peace

  in relationships

  overrun with hatred

  over all else.

  i care more about

  my own happiness

  than the hatred

  that people feel for me

  i am a priority

  within my own life

  i choose me

  every time

  arm raised.