A Beautiful Composition of Broken Read online

  other books by r.h. Sin

  Whiskey Words & a Shovel I

  Whiskey Words & a Shovel II

  Whiskey Words & a Shovel III

  Rest in the Mourning

  dedication.

  to the wounded

  from the wounded

  intro.

  i took my expectations

  and buried them all

  at the bottom of the sea

  because i alone

  was never brave enough

  to dive that deep

  i took my pain

  the anguish

  and turned it into power

  i found more of myself

  in the loneliest of hours

  i used my tears to create rivers

  for my boat

  on disappointment and betrayal

  i float

  i float

  i took your absence

  as a sign to move on

  now the melody has changed

  and i sing a new song

  my heart, broken blue

  my mind split in two

  and yet i gained peace

  at the loss of you

  i took the heartache

  and learned a lesson

  i began after we ended

  you leaving was my blessing

  a love worth keeping.

  i wish

  i wish

  for love like this

  a love like summer

  being kissed by the sun

  a love like winter

  hugged and covered with snow

  a love like the night

  being lit by the moon’s glow

  i pray

  i pray

  that this never fades away

  many claims of being in love

  but none of them ever stay

  i hope

  i hope

  i rely on our love

  i rely on your heart

  i wish, i hope

  i pray we never part

  devil, defeated.

  i believe that the devil

  takes a bow

  when we lose

  delighted by our mistakes

  and the bad things that we choose

  delighted by our pain

  the devil does rejoice

  defeated by our demons

  the serpents who steal

  our voice

  but deep within the darkness

  there’s a light that we find

  a strength, a power

  something to free our mind

  something to free our soul

  we go to war to fight for peace

  bruised and battered

  and yet we find a way

  to bring the devil to his knees

  3:29:50 p.m.

  what is it that you love about him

  is it the way he lets you down

  incapable of lifting you up

  is it the way your heart breaks

  when he says something

  that shatters your self-esteem

  is it the fact he never shows up

  when you need him

  tell me again

  what is there to love

  about a man who doesn’t love you

  from pain, came this.

  my horror story began with you

  and ended with your departure

  the confusion and the pain of it all

  turned me into an author

  a poet for the poets

  a voice for the voiceless

  i speak for the weak

  i rally for the strong

  at 7:22 p.m., to my love.

  will you miss me when i’m gone

  what will the room sound like

  without my voice

  what will the room smell like

  without my scent

  my random sayings

  my cough

  my laughter

  me yelling when angry

  the sound of me weeping

  when sad

  my smile

  will you miss it

  my lips, my tongue

  the kissing

  when i vanish into air

  will you care

  will you grieve

  will you stay here

  in this home

  or will my absence

  make you leave

  all i ask is that you remember

  and that you never forget about me

  November ’13.

  lonely like the winter

  i searched for warmth

  and found nothing but cold air

  with nothing but pain living there

  seeds that grow.

  the suffering will make you strong

  the pain will help you grow

  you haunt the devil.

  transforming heartache into lessons

  refusing to remain down

  when falling

  not afraid to stare

  your abusers in the eyes

  the devil fears women like you

  soft light.

  your softness

  is your gift

  your sensitivity

  is beautiful

  most of who you are

  will go unappreciated

  by men

  who don’t deserve you

  anima I.

  loving yourself

  will save your soul

  anima II.

  you will find your soul mate

  when you fall for yourself first

  life jacket.

  you can’t save the person

  who refuses to appreciate

  or acknowledge your effort

  this is what i had to learn

  this is what i’ve come to accept

  a terrible terror of love I.

  it’s scary

  how you can do

  so much for someone

  and yet they’d rather focus

  on what you don’t do

  the false remains.

  i edit the memories of you

  pretending you thought more of me

  than what you actually did

  i’m much happier

  lying to myself

  about us

  mobile distractions.

  should’ve held my hand more

  instead of your phone

  a restless nightmare.

  my mental walls are crashing down on me

  wide awake in this nightmarish thought

  please save me from my own mind

  everything 7:22.

  she is both complex

  and easy to love

  mating souls 7:22.

  give me eternal promises

  an infinite love

  and i’ll give you mine

  whatever helps.

  you have been strong for so long

  cry if you need to

  scream if it helps

  much more.

  you are tougher than your demons

  you are greater than the pain

  both ways.

  take a lover

  who will choose you

  like you choose them

  begin again, again.

  you’re cold

  but you’ll love again

  when sn
ow melts

  the flowers grow again

  learned lessons.

  gather the sorrow

  and let it teach you

  collect the heartache

  and heal

  different :22.

  i fell in love with your strange

  my heart fell for your crazy

  in your lips.

  with one kiss

  you make the madness

  of the world

  disappear

  removing you.

  screaming fuck you

  into the wind on a chilly night

  the moon is full

  as i empty myself of you

  retrieve self.

  sometimes i wish i could get back

  all of myself that i wasted on you

  internal blaze.

  the memory of you

  burns like a flame

  in my skull

  love :22.

  but when you touch me

  i remember how it feels

  to feel okay

  the lonely ones.

  you’re trying to be everything

  to someone who doesn’t care

  for you

  more lessons.

  having my heart broken

  helped me understand the true weight

  of holding on to the wrong person

  the terror.

  you’re terrified of feeling complete

  you have a fear of becoming whole

  and so you’ve accepted

  being broken

  we, like flowers.

  too soon

  the flowers dry up

  then die without warning

  the depth.

  there is so much more to you

  than your reflection in the mirror

  you are too deep for the understanding

  of shallow souls

  1:25.

  you are forgiven

  but there is no longer

  a space provided here

  for you

  mid-December lesson.

  not everyone you love

  deserves your patience

  not everyone you love

  deserves your fight

  not everyone you love

  deserves your heart

  not everyone you love

  understands that love

  late December love.

  we’re conditioned to love

  what we know

  and if all we know

  is pain

  this is what we tend

  to choose

  before ’13.

  i couldn’t stay

  my heart was too heavy

  for your hands

  my mind was too complex

  for you to comprehend

  and my soul was never yours

  to keep

  early mourning.

  in mourning

  i found truth

  in mourning

  i found clarity

  in mourning

  i found peace

  because i understand.

  there’s a black hole

  where your heart used to be

  and i won’t judge you for that

  less.

  i give minimal attention

  to those who do nothing

  but tear me down emotionally

  until i eventually

  give them nothing at all

  among the living.

  i went on living

  even when i felt like

  i couldn’t anymore

  even when i felt like

  i didn’t want to

  ongoing.

  your love is infinite

  find someone who understands this

  the after.

  in order to heal properly

  you must walk away

  from what broke you

  a grave love.

  for so long

  i was dating death

  falling deep into a grave

  that looked like love

  tender beginnings.

  who were you

  when you first fell in love

  a tender, timid heart

  a soul in search of longing

  vulnerable and beautiful

  unprepared for heartache

  the first one we love

  is often the one

  to teach us about pain

  Monday after 6.

  awkwardness and tension

  short questions met with short answers

  communicating without communication

  or comprehension

  no understanding

  we are no longer

  who we were before

  neither friend nor foe

  nothing, no one

  just two strangers

  who used to know

  one another

  a love i hate.

  a flame made weak by lies

  a love that fell flat after betrayal

  a heart, broken down

  by the very person who promised

  to protect it

  you were never my forever

  you were only my end

  Raymond’s literary grave.

  you were never as good

  as you pretended to be

  something short of what i am

  and so you’re jealous of me

  growing green with envy

  your soul is undone

  you’ve had many losses in your life

  you may count this as one

  blitz.

  with love comes several failures

  many attempts met unsuccessfully

  no start.

  and so we search for endless love

  in places where it’ll never begin

  battle tested.

  a woman is a warrior

  with infinite strength

  twenty 2.

  you began to talk like me

  your facial expressions like my own

  this is when i knew you were mine

  the sorrow.

  there’s nothing more confusing

  and painful to a woman

  than being told that she’s amazing

  by a man who treats her like

  she’s not good enough to commit to

  and the saddest part of it all

  is that this woman

  will fight to prove her value

  to the one man

  who doesn’t even deserve her

  the fight.

  the fight to prove yourself

  to someone who doesn’t deserve you

  is a losing battle

  what is there to achieve

  when the one you want

  has nothing to give you in return

  where is the benefit

  in going to war for someone

  who’d rather fight against you

  instead of beside you

  the questions I.

  here you are, alone

  taken but alone

  in a relationship

  that feels like a big

  question mark

  constantly wondering

  and wandering off

  into a thick silence

  struggling to find the words

  at odds with your own heart

  what should feel good

  has become painful to bear

  you wear sadness well

  but i can tell that you’re tired

  you’re fed up, you want out

  the wrong mate I.


  being with the wrong person

  is a time suck

  loving someone

  who refuses to love you

  drains the heart

  the soul becomes weary

  the longer you stay

  the opportunity to find

  your soul mate

  becomes greatly reduced

  the wrong mate II.

  real love arrives

  when the heart

  no longer clings

  to the wrong love

  real love can only be found

  when the heart

  no longer searches

  for it in the wrong places

  the problem.

  there’s the problem

  you say you want love

  but you’ve settled for someone

  who treats you like

  they hate you