A Beautiful Composition of Broken Page 4
a lasting impression is what
you should always aim for
appreciate all that she is
and all that she’s willing to offer
it’s what she deserves
11:59.
she knew what she had to do
and as the clock counted down
the new year would stare her
right in the face
urging and pleading for her
to make the necessary changes
to bring forth the love
she desired and deserved
12:00.
but that’s the thing
the most honest and hurtful truth
i don’t think they changed
they simply became more
of who they always were
and the person you see now
is the type of person
you’ve tried your hardest
to avoid but it’s hard to let go
because you’ve already fallen for them
12:07.
you’ve been holding on
to someone who no longer
deserves your grip
you’ve lost countless hours of sleep
thinking about someone who doesn’t
deserve to be on your mind
you’ve displayed an amazing ability
to care so deeply unconditionally
and you’re beautiful because of that
one day you’ll be rewarded
with a love that mirrors your own
but first you must move on
without the person who refuses
to love you
12:21.
i can’t stay here
i’m tired of being tired
i’m exhausted from yelling
and not being heard
i no longer wish to fight with
someone who refuses to fight for me
i am no longer willing
to wear this coat of unhappiness
i miss my smile and i’ll only find it
with you gone
but instead of asking you
to go
i’ll leave
killing the cycle.
not again
never, not anymore
i can’t
i won’t
i’m done
i’m gone
12:29.
lately
you haven’t been yourself
your laughter isn’t as loud
your smile appears to be forced
and i just think you’d do well
with focusing more on yourself
for a while
you, royal.
today, just like any other day
you’ll rise from the ashes
a fire set by those who wish
for you to fail
and the prayer in your heart
will remain stronger
than the words of your enemies
you are mighty
and your strength
is your crown
broken nightmare.
you refused to live
within the nightmare
sold to you as a dream
you finally woke up
sharp.
open your damn eyes
your suspicion can be justified
by their actions as of late
don’t second-guess your heart
you know the truth
to the root.
and they wonder why
you have trust issues
or act as if you don’t
give a fuck
the way you are
the way you love
is a product
of being taken
for granted
August 29th.
some relationships
are just hurtful distractions
keeping you from the love
you long for
12:50.
be with me
and only me
choose me always
because i’ll always
choose you
much for nothing.
she poured her heart out to me
on pages i refused to read
texting me every night
“you are all that i need”
blinded by a situation
blurring my ability to see
she screamed
“i know that this means nothing
but you mean everything to me”
so consistent were her efforts
she was willing to wait
she said
“you think you love this girl
but you’re my soul mate”
her heart cries in need of me
but her smile is all they see
it meant everything to her
but never meant much to me
hoarding of the past.
my home is overflowing
with things i’ll never need
no space for anything new
because i’m holding on to things
from my past that have no value
in the present
in the ashes of.
burn bridges for warmth
burn bridges for light
burn bridges to others
who don’t deserve
to get to you
1:21.
i am cold
i am warmth
i am numb
i feel everything
i am all but nothing
i give love and i hate it
Plath.
reading Sylvia’s words
wishing i could save her
wishing i could tell her
that it will get better
stillness.
you speak
in silence
so well
finis.
it all falls on me
the weight of it all
crushing my spirit
like bone meeting iron
i’m breaking down
collapsing completely into
myself
until there’s nothing left
but the regret
of trying so hard
for someone who couldn’t
try for me
i’m done
the wrong, the negative.
the right people help you feel
the right things
the wrong people encourage
all of the emotions
you don’t want to feel
stay away from the wrong people
belief in the process.
learning to detach from things
that serve no purpose in my life
busy.
being busy keeps the soul happy
doing nothing makes you feel
like nothing
transformations.
they chose to be sheep
she decided to be a wolf
deeply mad.
love me madly
like crazy is the new sane
i feel both entirely.
i am both happy and sad
i feel weak but i am strong
i am broken but i’ll be whole
there is hope within pain
there is hope after heartache
and i’ve felt both of everything
i know that it gets better
book of souls.
read her like books
that intrigue the soul
careful as i choose.
i choose to entertain
because attention can become love
and love can feel like hell
when given to the wrong person
you live in these words.
come
see yourself in these words
come alive within my poetry
find clarity and peace
within the pages of this book
allow my art to touch your soul
allow these words to grasp your heart
child of the moon.
you are a living extension
of the moon in the night
a light that shines the brightest
during the darkness
the hurting of self.
you’ve been chasing
all the ones who will never
love you
distracting yourself
from the one
who deserves that love
in gardens we wait.
each of us, roses
waiting to be picked
chosen by the hand
who isn’t afraid of our thorns
searching the emptiness.
isn’t that how it always begins
attraction sparked by the surface
something pleasing for the eye
something hopeful for the heart
here you are spending your days
and nights
in search of someone
to take the pain away
but what you discover
is someone who creates more pain
for the culture.
someone tagged me in a photo
with my words on their skin
i lost a lot of friends on this journey
but something like that feels like a win
more aqua.
drink more water
and stay away from people
with negative attitudes
and petty behavior
maintaining peace I.
being with someone who refuses
to protect your heart
will distract you from the things
that would otherwise make you happy
the saddest part of it all
is that we’ll claim to want peace
and yet we’ll settle for
a chaotic relationship
then complain about it
maintaining peace II.
the worst kinds of people
are those who are unhappy
with your need to experience happiness
detach from these types of people
a table for one.
your words are no longer yours
your voice the tone of someone else’s
you’ve changed who you are
for validation and profit
still, you’ve discovered
that success only arrives
to those who remain authentic
and this is why you
continue to lose
overdone, exhausting.
trying until trying
is something that i’ll no longer do
loving you until
i realize that it’ll change nothing
these things take time
and i’m patient
a refusal, a strength.
i’m finding more of myself
in my journey toward peace
learning to let go of the anger
that once plagued my soul
and altered the direction
of most of my days
i’m finding my voice
beneath the heaviness
of the pain that once caused me
to shut down
refusing to remain silent
about the things that broke me
i refuse to be a prisoner of heartache
afraid, my silence.
we lie to ourselves
we hide behind our own masks
we suppress our truths
with tall drinks and loud music
self-medicating with sex
self-harming with acts of recklessness
we’d rather pretend to be happy
instead of cultivating long-term happiness
smiling to cover up the emotional bruises
left upon our soul by lovers
who never loved us
giving off the appearance of strength
while breaking down deep within
and yet no one ever knows
because being strong often means
being silent
i hate that i allowed my voice
to be silenced by my inability
to ask for help
i hate that i allowed this pain
to consume me in a way
that no one will truly know about
afraid to admit to myself that i cared
because accepting the truth
would reveal the hurt that found
its way into my heart
4:00.
up early
while the world
is still dreaming
it’s 4 a.m.
and the city that never sleeps
is sleeping as this is written
wide wake
lying beside my dream girl
proving once more
that dreams come true
and you don’t have to be asleep
to bear witness to it all
:22 after 4.
22 minutes after 4
my soul at peace
my mind, widely aware
my heart pumping
giving me life
and a purpose to write
yesterday is yesterday
irrelevant, most unworthy
of this moment
the present being a gift
only given to those who open
their eyes
i am here among the living
and even if life is hard
it’s beautiful because i’m alive
it’s worth it, you wait and see
4:32.
the unfortunate truth
of going to bed angry
is that you wake up weary
drained by the sadness that follows
and it swallows you up
with whatever good you had left
you wake up tired
longing for peace
but it easily escapes you
because in that moment
you’re too tired to pursue it
change the way you go to sleep
and you’ll wake up better
stronger, wiser
clarity in mourning.
i tried
you didn’t
i loved
you refused
it was me
and never you
it was you
not wanting me
stuck, searching for you
when all i needed was myself
the love you deserve.
they want you
but none of them
deserve you
they like you
but none of them
will love you
take your time
and find more of yourself
before searching for more
of someone else
the love you desire
needs to be cultivated
within you first
before you can find it elsewhere
the optimism and delight.
a different you
sitting in a brighter hue
gone are the days of darkness
gone, the days of sadness
a smile that bears light
like the sun rising against the ocean
a laughter that bears life
like a tree standing in the forest
this is my hope for you
and i know you’ll find it someday
when night falls.
good mornings
can replace bad nights
never underestimate
the sun burning out
the darkness
create more.
don’t let your past corrupt
the present
don’t let the painful memories
you’ve created
keep you from the creation
of something better
from it, stronger.
the pain will bring you strength
the heartache will give you purpose
more you, mighty.
somehow the sorrow
made you this
wise
stronger
beautiful
more of you
pursuing nothing.
the wrong love
feels like death